we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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