Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
