Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
