Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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