she woke up with a sticky ear
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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