I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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