Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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