when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
