i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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