When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
