I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
