Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
