i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
