You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
