Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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