What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
