This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize