I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
