But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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