i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize