her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
