Sponge bath it is.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
