4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
