3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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