Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We're facebook friends in real life
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
