i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
