party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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