the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
