paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
