Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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