god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
