Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
