Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
