Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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