I'm going to jail i love you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
