it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
