The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
