put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
