But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize