I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
