Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
