Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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