Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
