I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
