I cut my penus on the lid.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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