Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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