I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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