i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
