U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
