I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
