What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
