My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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