why didn't you poke me back
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize