By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
