You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
