Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
