just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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