i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize