I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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