I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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