Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
