im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize