I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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