I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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