So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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