I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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