So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
