3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
