so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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