the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
