Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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