I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
