Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
