Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
