you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
