this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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