I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
