no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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