Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
