If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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