what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
