I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We named our party play list daddy issues
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize