Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
